


Carnations and Lilies

by Miss_Nemesis (BetterThanburningontheceiling)



Series: The Rough Times of Drew [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Major Character Death only in Chapter 3, Multiple Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 10:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterThanburningontheceiling/pseuds/Miss_Nemesis
Summary: He knew what it was the first time a petal, yellow and splattered with blood, forced its way up through his esophagus. It didn’t shake him as much as it probably should have, but considering the feeling that had been growing in his chest as of lately, he was hardly surprised. With each thought of the other boy, the feeling grew, watering the garden he knew was growing inside of him.
Series: The Rough Times of Drew [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320674
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

He knew what it was the first time a petal, yellow and splattered with blood, forced its way up through his esophagus. It didn’t shake him as much as it probably should have, but considering the feeling that had been growing in his chest as of lately, he was hardly surprised. With each thought of the other boy, the feeling grew, watering the garden he knew was growing inside of him. 

If he knew anything about flowers, he would know that those were petals of a yellow carnation. He’d think it was fitting that petals from that flower were the first to come from him in this situation. 

_ Alec needs me. _ He thought. _ But he would be better off without me. I know this, and yet I can’t pry myself away from him. _

Something began to tickle in his throat, and the tickle soon turned into scratching. _ He needs me. _ And he tried to swallow it down. _ And I love that he needs me. _ But it was just wouldn’t stay down. _ And I love him. _

And he coughed. He coughed and sputtered and there in his hands were yellow petals and blood. And as he stared down at those petals and blood, he confirmed that he had been experiencing love for Alec for a long time. 

He wanted to deny it still. Alec deserved better, he deserved the best the world had to offer, which was far beyond anything Drew could ever fathom. But with the evidence so clearly laid out in the palm of his hand, it was impossible to deny any longer. 

So, instead, he would hide it. He would hide his lovesickness as best as he could until it could be removed, no matter what that would mean. 

Unfortunately, he was a poor man, and surgery for such a thing was very expensive. And, as time went on, it grew harder and harder to hide at all. The more time he spent with Alec, the more the flowers sprouted. Begonias, Butterfly Weeds, Lilies, Petunias, all kinds of flowers in a wide array of colors and feelings, all growing inside of him, forcing their way out. 

He knew the outcomes and how to escape, but he couldn’t, shouldn’t, and definitely wouldn’t. Not when it was at Alec’s expense. 

Alec was worried. The illness had grown to the point where he couldn’t stop the choking in the other’s presence. 

They were talking about last night’s episode of Say Yes to the Dress - Drew had decided to start watching it since he knew the other liked it so much - and Alec was going on and on about one of the brides and her family. Drew didn’t actually particularly care for the show, but he loved hearing Alec talk so excitedly about it. He was admiring that adorable smile when he felt the tickling, scratching feeling began to arise. 

Quickly he stood up and tried to excuse himself, but couldn’t get a single word out before doubling over as the coughing overtook him. He stared down at the ground as petals filled his throat, unable to look at the face of panic hew knew Alec would be wearing. Someone like that shouldn’t have to ever worry about someone like him.

He felt a hand rub circled on his back as he vomited Cyclamen all over. 

That was it, he decided. He couldn’t let this continue any further. He would just have to avoid the other until he was cured. 

And that he managed to do.


	2. Butterfly Weeds

It was hard staying away from Alec for so long, but it had to be done. It took almost a whole year, but finally Drew had saved up to get the plague-like garden out of his chest, and he took no hesitation in doing so. Two weeks after the plants had been removed, he returned to school. 

Alec was happy to see him back. Alec was even happier when he asked if they could go somewhere that weekend. When Alec asked where, he said he didn’t care. He just wanted to make up for his selfishness from before the surgery. They decided to just walk around downtown, since Drew was poor, and that was fine. 

It didn’t take long for Drew to notice. Being able to look at Alec without choking was different, but how it was supposed to be. Looking at Alec and feeling devoid of anything was new. He was unsure what to think of it. 

He knew he wanted to make up for the past year, he knew Alec needed him in many ways, he knew that Alec had been everything to him. He knew that Alec should be everything to him, and yet… 

He hoped things would change as they talked, but he found his mind wandering elsewhere. Alec spoke and he nodded as if only pretending to care. Alec smiled and he didn’t smile back. Alec frowned and he blew out a puff of smoke between them. Alec coughed and he shrugged, taking another drag and doing it again. Alec teared up and he sighed. Alec went home and he didn’t die. 

It didn’t take much to notice, since it was blatantly obvious. So much and yet so little had changed. He was still utterly worthless. He was still addicted to his cigarettes and he still cared little about his own well being. 

But, along with the flowers, his love for Alec was gone. And along with them, everything else. He didn’t hang on Alec’s every word. He didn’t smile when Alec smiled. He didn’t care when Alec frowned. He didn’t mind when he smoked and blew grey toxic gas in Alec’s face. He didn’t help Alec when he was crying. He didn’t do anything when it was Alec that left him. 

His love for Alec was gone, and along with it, everything else.


	3. Marigolds and Rainflowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This is the chapter where the character death comes into play.

It had been months since Drew had allowed Alec to see him so sick. Things had only gotten worse and he was far from earning enough to have surgery. Staying away from Alec as much as possible had been fairly impossible, as they went to the same school, and the time they did spend apart only seemed to make Drew’s chest ache more. But at least Alec wasn’t around to witness it. 

He was on the way home, trying to get out as fast as possible. Alec had been trying to talk to him all day, despite his obvious effort to avoid the poor other boy. And he had almost made it, even breaking out into a spirit as soon as he was outside, but Alec was there chasing after him. 

“Drew, wait!” The other shouted and immediately Drew’s chest tightened. He forced himself not to notice the pain in the other’s voice; it didn’t work. “Wait. Please…” He wanted to keep running, but he couldn’t, and Alec caught up. 

Knees shaking, he sat down on the hill they were on, his hands snaking up and around his throat, trying to hold back what he knew was coming. Alec kneeled in front of him and weakly tried to pull Drew’s arms back. Even now, even after Drew had left him, abandoned him alone numerous times, he was still worried. He was too good for anyone, let alone Drew, and it was suffocating. 

He spoke, his tone soft and shaky, but Drew couldn’t hear him over the coughing, hacking that grew louder and louder as if trying to deafen them both. Until finally there were yellow Daffodils caked in blood littering his lap. He could still feel more that wanted to come out, their stems piercing his lungs. He knew he was crying, but he couldn’t bother to try and hide it. 

“Please.” Alec’s small voice finally broke through to him. “You’re sick. Let me help you.” 

“C-can’t-...” Drew mumbled between sobs, he wanted to use this moment of clarity to cut things off now, before they somehow got even worse. 

“Why not? What’s wrong? There must be something!” Drew shook his head no. “Can’t you at least say why you’re avoiding me?” 

Drew knew the other was crying now, too, and it felt as if the flowers were invading everything inside of him. This perfect, pure boy was crying and worried about a disgusting mess like him, even though he’d treated him badly, even though he’d left him scared and alone numerous times, even though he was absolutely worthless and deserved nothing more than to let the garden blooming inside of him and let it feed off of his love for him until he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

He let out a few ragged breaths and pulled away from him. This had to end here. He had to end it now.

The flowers grew, petals of yellow, fully bloomed blossoms spilled out of his mouth and stained his skin along with his own blood. Between coughs, he spoke, finally letting it out. “I’m… in love… with… you…” 

Roses of blue and black covered the rest, their thorns cutting apart his throat, mouth, and lips. It stung and hurt and he tried to keep his mouth closed, but it wasn’t good enough, just like anything else he ever did was never good enough. He cried, it hurt, he coughed, it hurt, and all else was silent. 

“I love Drew, too.” The other said and for a moment it all stopped. But then a moment later returned tenfold. The ringing, thumping, the blood, petals, tearing, ripping, searing through him and he knew what was coming, but it was still excruciating. “Drew is the best friend I could ever ask for. Of course, I love him!” 

It’s Rhododendrons and Lilies and Marigolds that he vomits this time and he could hear the bells ringing. Dripping, spreading, choking, piercing, deafening numbness extending out through his limbs. It hurt and it didn’t hurt at all; the coughing stopped and yet he could not breathe. 

He couldn’t move anymore and he didn’t want to. He kept his eyes closed, everything suddenly too bright. There’s warmth around him. Pain and numb and warmth and nothing. 

Nothing but Rainflowers and, finally, peace.


	4. Cyclamen and White Roses

It had been months since Drew had allowed Alec to see him so sick. Things had only gotten worse and he was far from earning enough to have surgery. Staying away from Alec as much as possible had been fairly impossible, as they went to the same school, and the time they did spend apart only seemed to make Drew’s chest ache more. But at least Alec wasn’t around to witness it. 

He was on the way home, trying to get out as fast as possible. Alec had been trying to talk to him all day, despite his obvious effort to avoid the poor other boy. And he had almost made it, even breaking out into a spirit as soon as he was outside, but Alec was there chasing after him. 

“Drew, wait!” The other shouted and immediately Drew’s chest tightened. He forced himself not to notice the pain in the other’s voice; it didn’t work. “Wait. Please…” He wanted to keep running, but he couldn’t, and Alec caught up. 

Knees shaking, he sat down on the hill they were on, his hands snaking up and around his throat, trying to hold back what he knew was coming. Alec kneeled in front of him and weakly tried to pull Drew’s arms back. Even now, even after Drew had left him, abandoned him alone numerous times, he was still worried. He was too good for anyone, let alone Drew, and it was suffocating. 

He spoke, his tone soft and shaky, but Drew couldn’t hear him over the coughing, hacking that grew louder and louder as if trying to deafen them both. Until finally there were yellow Daffodils caked in blood littering his lap. He could still feel more that wanted to come out, their stems piercing his lungs. He knew he was crying, but he couldn’t bother to try and hide it. 

“Please.” Alec’s small voice finally broke through to him. “You’re sick. Let me help you.” 

“C-can’t-...” Drew mumbled between sobs, he wanted to use this moment of clarity to cut things off now, before they somehow got even worse. 

“Why not? What’s wrong? There must be something!” Drew shook his head no. “Can’t you at least say why you’re avoiding me?” 

Drew knew the other was crying now, too, and it felt as if the flowers were invading everything inside of him. This perfect, pure boy was crying and worried about a disgusting mess like him, even though he’d treated him badly, even though he’d left him scared and alone numerous times, even though he was absolutely worthless and deserved nothing more than to let the garden blooming inside of him and let it feed off of his love for him until he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

He let out a few ragged breaths and pulled away from him. This had to end here. He had to end it now. 

The flowers grew, petals of yellow, fully bloomed blossoms spilling out of his mouth and staining his skin along with his own blood. Between coughs, he spoke, finally letting it out. “I’m.. in love.. with… you.”

Dead white roses covered the rest. He didn’t even know they could be dead, but there they were, petals dry and beginning to brown. 

He leaned forward, into the other person’s shoulder. Everything was on fire. Everything was on fire and he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted it to end. 

“-too.” The other said something, but he couldn’t understand it. He was unable to make an effort to ask what it was. “I --- too.” Repeated, still not understood. 

He willed the ringing in his ears and thumping and rustling in his chest to quiet. Maybe then he could hear over everything else. 

“I love you, too.” The words clear and heard, but still, he could not understand. He must have misheard again, he thought. That must be it, there’s no way that’s what he heard. 

“Drew.” Alec said, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. “I love you, too.” 

“Don’t.” Drew replies, pulling away. He’s numb and falls back a little at the loss of support, but he put his hands back to help prop himself up. 

Alec looks away, fumbling around with his hands. He continues, “I… thought you knew… Since I need you.” 

“That’s… not the same thing…” 

“No… but still…” 

“You’re…” He knew something was different. “I…” He just needed to pinpoint it. “But I’m…” Yes, that’s it. The thorns, the flowers, he wasn’t coughing anymore. Blood was still trickling down his chin, but no petals. 

Alec wasn’t lying to make him feel better. Alec genuinely… loved him. 

The revelation left him feeling more free than he had ever felt. His lungs and throat were clear and he could finally breathe unhindered. He was free and numb and weak, but his love was known and reciprocated and while he still thought he didn’t deserve it, he was too exhausted to care and collapsed.


End file.
